Batman vs Edward Cullen
by YrotheTheWriter
Summary: Batman investigates a crime he believes to have been caused by Vampires. A story I wrote with my 11 year old sister.


**ME**

A black Lamborghini sped through the city of Forkes. If a teenager who wasn't busy partying right now on private land, saw this car, they would immediately think that the owner of this car was extremely rich. What they wouldn't know quite immediately, was that the owner was Bruce Wayne, multibillionaire, playboy, Director of Wayne Enterprises, who owned more than half the planet. What they certainly wouldn't know, was that this rich man at night, was the superhero Batman, Gotham's terror, World's Greatest Detective, and a lot of other equally empowering titles. But right now, he was Bruce Wayne, heading to Forkes under the excuse that he was interested in a vacation. Most would probably think that a multi-millionaire like him would prefer a place like Corfu or the Azores, and that, he had also told the press.

The reasons for Bruce Wayne driving through the godforsaken, dreary, gray weathered Forkes, was not relaxing. It had all started a week before...

 _A week before..._

"These victims have been completely drained of blood, Alfred."

Alfred put a silver platter with a lobster, that was as expensive as it was delicious, down. Any man with a weaker commitment would no doubt throw himself upon the crustacean, but Bruce Wayne was busy with something else, so he probably wouldn't even look at it. Alfred sighed. One could hope.

"Shocking." Alfred raised not even an eyebrow. You got used to this kind of atrocity in an industry like this.

"The latest victim had this stuck in the suction hole." Batman raised his hand and showed a piece of plant.

"Excuse me if I am wrong, Master Bruce, but blood-draining does not seem like Ms. Ivy's usual approach."

"I would also suspect her if the latest victim wasn't Poison Ivy herself." Alfred raised an eyebrow. One would have had to be ridiculously strong to beat Poison Ivy on her home turf.

"This plant piece is a Suckerruus Dracuular... A poisonous plant found only in Forkes."

"It seems like a very unlikely detail to leave behind, Master Bruce."

"Agreed. Whoever did this wants me to get there. "

"Any idea who the perpetrator is?"

"I found some suspicious reports on blood drained animals, and humans in Forkes. Especially near forest areas. The city has a rich history of vampires, as well as werewolves. And look at this clip from a security camera in Forkes.

Batman pressed a button and a video clip of a fox appeared on the computer screen. The fox sniffed at a hole, and suddenly disappeared.

Alfred blinked. "Excuse me, Master Bruce, but I do not think I understand ...?"

"Understandably so, Alfred."

Batman changed the video tape so you could see one frame at a time. In one frame the fox was there, and the next frame showed what looked like a teenage boy, with handsome facial features take hold of the animal.

"One would have to move at an unlikely speed to do that."

"And look at this." Bruce opened an image file. It showed an oil painting of the very same boy they had seen on the videotape.

"That picture looks... very old, Master Bruce."

"1789, to be precise ... It is a painting of Edward Anthony Masen, a young man whose family, including himself, apparently died due to The Plague... and have a look at this."

Bruce got a new image up. It was a picture of the same man, but in much higher quality. It said he was seventeen years old and lived in Forkes. His name was Edward Cullen.

"He didn't even change his first name ..."

"So I assume that you're going on holiday to Forkes, Master Bruce?" Alfred who had now given up all hope, took the lobster up so he could put it in the freezer. Again.

 **SISTER**

Edward observed, as Emmet with a sharp jump, landed on the Gray Bear's back. The hot-tempered Bear shook it's head wildly, trying frantically to escape the Vampire's grip. It was impossible. Emmet tipped it onto its back, and closed his jaws together on the spot in the throat where the pulse is sitting. The warm blood ran out, into his mouth. Little after, the bear collapses, and it takes it's last breath. Emmet looks up, with wild eyes.

"Are you done yet?" Edward asks, in a casual tone, and then starts running, up to the Cullen-family house. Emmet runs after him, as fast as an arrow, and of course it ends being a competition.

"You got the run-up, it was cheating," Emmet tried defending himself, after Edward jumped over the cliff five meters before him.

Edward goes up the stairs, where Renesmee runs to meet him. She jumps up in his arms and places her small hand against his cheek.

Renesmee is the half-vampire/half-human child that Edward's wife Bella gave birth to while she was still human. She is incredibly beautiful, with her long brown curls meeting her waist, and her body is slim and agile.

She shows Edward everything he missed while he was out hunting. Carlisle had tried to get her to eat pizza, as there were no more blood donations and Edward wrinkles his nose when Renesmee thinks of the terrible stench. Jacob had taken her to the beach, and she had dived so low, that she couldn't even see the surface. Edward listens as she "tells" about all the beautiful fish she saw, that swam away as she approached.

Renesmee does a somersault out of his arms when she has "told" everything in detail and Edward quickly looks around the room.

Carlisle is reading a thick book entitled "VAMPIRE'S CREATION," Emmet goes over to Rosalie, and they start building a huge house of cards, Esme folds out some silverware that Renesmee likes playing with. Everything seems relaxed, despite the fact that a month ago, they were all almost being killed by the Volturi, and it is not forgotten.

Bella comes over to Edward and he hugs his arms around her. Suddenly, a thought strikes him. Where is Alice and Jasper?

"Jasper had to go visit some kind of family, and Alice joined him, they would have said goodbye but you came home late," Bella responds to Edward's questions as if she knew what he was thinking.

"Okay," he says, and walks over to Jacob sitting on the sofa with Renesmee in his lap.

"You wanna go on the beach again tomorrow, Nessie?"

Renesmee nodded eagerly, and placed her hand against Jacob's cheek.

Edward feels restless, as he just walks around with nothing to do. Soon, the day begins to dawn, and it becomes night, to be day again. Edward thinks about how long his days are.

 **ME**

After buying the Forkes hotel, Bruce began doing some research. Evidently there had been alot of unexplained deaths throughout human history, with victims depleted of blood. And evidently, the Cullen family had been in Forkes, for a very long time.

A little detective work revealed that the members of the Cullen family had been around for many, many years. They had been virtually all over the globe, every time they settled down, they stayed for ten years, before being moved to another location.

Probably to avoid questions, like why they don't grow old, thought Bruce.

Bruce couldn't connect them to the murder, but it had to be them. Imagine if there were many clans and they were all controlled by a large clan living in, to name an example, Italy? The idea was so ridiculous that Bruce didn't even give it a second's thought.

The Cullen family had been in Forkes for surprisingly long. 25 years. Wonder what they had done to explain their aging problem?

The reason for their extended camp seemed to be a certain "Bella Swan," who after moving to Forkes, married the fox-eater himself, Edward Cullen. Now she lived with The Cullen family.

Bruce shook his head. Vampires exist. What would be next, werewolves?

After reading from some of the more obscure sources on the Internet, he concluded that the stories of garlic and wooden stakes, were pure nonsense. _These_ vampires were strong as Solomon Grundy, fast as The Flash, and with skin as tough as Superman's. Batman smiled. Not a problem, then.

He sent word to Alfred about the things he would need. Alfred would load them on The Batwing, that would come drop off the things at night. He would confront Edward and the others, the night after.

He had a moral dilemma. Would it be right, or wrong to take the lives of these creatures? On the one hand, they were obviously able to talk, and think. On the other hand, they would probably live forever, with no one to stop them from killing others.

They were undead. They were monsters. They had to be stopped.

Bruce wrote a flamethrower on the list of things he needed, to Alfred.

 _The next day…_

Bruce had to set things up. He could not get too close to the Cullen house, since their sense of smell would expose him. He waited patiently until all the members went out of the house to hunt. Batman began to set traps.

The following night, all the Vampires were up as usual. Renesmee had been put to bed, and Edward and Bella was busy pretending their mouths were plungers, and their faces were clogged toilets. No one suspected anything.

Rosalie sniffed the air. "What's that smell?"

Then, all hell broke loose.

A smoke bomb came out of nowhere, and overwhelmed the Cullen family in thick, cloudy smoke. Bella and the others were not worried, since they had Vampire vison, which is totally a thing, and could easily see everything through the smoke, but it was terrifying, because who would attack them for reasons other than that they knew they were vampires? Had their secret been revealed?

As these thoughts passed through the confused Vampire's heads, a high sound frequency started, which they (and all dogs in the surrounding area) couldn't keep out. Edward, Bella, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme fell on the floor with hands on their ears. All the glass in the house was broken. Then, he came out of the smoke, like a demon from hell.

Batman.

He grabbed Edward, and threw him out through the now broken window. Edward landed fifty meters away in the woods, and Batman followed. Edward stood up, and stood face to face with the Caped Crusader.

"What do you want from us..." Edward read his thoughts. "...Bruce Wayne?"

Batman did not let his surprise show.

"I'm here to stop you and your family's murderous hunting." Said Batman with a deep, computer altered voice.

"Murde ..." Edward could not say anymore, before Batman hit him right in the face, and Edward flew another 20 meters away.

 **SISTER**

Edward gets up again, confused and furious, and runs about 700 mph. back to the Caped Fool, and knocks him down a cliff with such a force, that there is a loud cracking sound, and a stone the size of a dresser smashes into his ugly bat face. Unfortunately he broke nothing, but when he gets up, he stands down in a deep cliff, and has to wait a few minutes to collect himself. Edward rejoices. Finally, he was allowed to use his powers.

Batman stands up shortly after, and his eyes spark.

"Aww, did it hurt small bat man?" Said Edward quietly, and Batman clenches his fists. Edward and Batman strikes at the same time, and their hands are hit with such force that both their hands should be broken. But that's impossible for a Vampire, and because of Batman's armor, he got away with a broken thumb, only.

"Oh no, that was a shame," says Edward meekly, and Batman throws himself at him and pushes him to the ground. His power is immense of anger, and it shimmers in him. Edward reads his thoughts, and discovers that Batman cannot kill. He tries to get free, but it is impossible. Even when he uses all his strength, Batman's anger is far too great. He kicks Batman in the crotch so hard, that despite the armor, Batman moans in pain, and now it's Edward who keeps Batman down. Batman tries to say something, but Edward holds his neck firmly.

"Say your last words, and then it's also time for sleeping, little friend." Edward quipped. "Even the monstrous bats without wings, has the need for sleep." Edward loosened the grip on Batman a bit.

 **ME**

"Computer ... Commence, Protocol V"

Edward looked confused for a second, before six tons of heavy Batmobile crashed into him in full force. Edward fell under the steel-reinforced tires with spikes, and tumbled around. He fell over a cliff where a white-hot titanium net caught him and placed burn marks into his dead skin.

 **SISTER**

Edward roars furiously, before he tears the net to pieces, and falls down the cliff. Batman is stunned. He had not thought that Edward could escape the net. It was made specially for Vampires. Batman realizes that Edward is stronger than he looks.

Edward jumps up the cliff, and bangs his hand into Batman's face. Batman gurgles, dazed.

 **ME**

Edward strikes again, but Batman dodges faster, and presses a button in his glove. A whitehot saw-blade spins around in the glove forearm, and Batman uses it to cut off Edward's outstretched arm.

 **SISTER**

Edward sees a tiny amount of blood ooze from his arm, and then spins Batman around in a smooth motion with one hand, so Batman's head stands right in front of a sharp piece of the cliff wall. Edward pulls his hand back a little, and strikes Batman's head into the rock at lightning -speed, so hard, the rock smashes, into three thousand five hundred and fortynine pieces to be exact. It bleeds for sure.

"You damn bat."

 **ME**

"goygnogy ..." Batman's vision is spinning, but he clenches his fists together and comes stumbling to his feet. He throws a Batarang, that Edward easily dodges. He looks after it, to ensure that it does not turn back around again, and hits him in the neck, while he says "Is that really the best you can do..." He stops talking when Batman hits him so hard, that Edward falls into a hole that Bruce dug the day before. Edward looks confused around, when a computer voice says: "Vampire detected for incineration. Have a good day. " Edward blinked.

 **SISTER**

Edward doesn't stop to think, and just as he jumps out of the hole, it starts burning merrily. Edward, who still only has one arm, swears, and pounces on Batman, who has no defense. Yes, he has a thick armor, but that shouldn't prevent Edward from... He hears small running footsteps behind him, and he turns, hissing. There, comes small beautiful Renesmee running at full speed.

"Get away," Edward hisses at her, but she ignores him and runs over to the "Bat Man." She gently places her hand against his chin, and Batman sees small clips of all of Renesmee's life. How her family had never killed any people, and this was a "vegetarian" Vampire family, that only ate animals. A tear runs down the Batman's cheek ... but fortunately no one can see the tear, from the mask.

 **ME**

"I have... been wrong about you.

Edward hisses furiously. "I should kill you, right here, and right now. Some nerves you got, to expose my family to something like this! "

Batman becomes Batman again, and ignores Edward.

"I'm turning the ultrasound off, now." Says Batman, and pressses a button. A few seconds later, all of the Cullen family comes down, ready to fight. Renesmee keeps them away, and "explains" the situation to Bella.

 **SISTER**

Suddenly, in the middle of the crowd of angry Cullen voices, Renesmee sees a jacketed figure coming towards them. It crawls at them, and Renesmee spots something, making her scream. The person, or the thing, has no legs! Where the legs should be, meat lumps sticks out and it looks like... Renesmee won't even think about it. Edward and Bella look quickly in her direction and gasps horrified. The rest of the Cullen family reacts like them. As the shape gets closer, they see that it is Aro, from the Volturi Guard. All take a step backwards, except Batman, who just stands and looks stupid.

Aro crawls right up to them, and looks up with a frightened look...

 **ME**

"You have to help ... clown... Slaughtered all... Greatest powers I've ever seen..."

Batman approaches him. "Clown? What do you mean, "clown?!"

Aro's eyes shines red and bites at him, but as he is weakened and has no legs, Batman evades him with ease. Rosalie runs down to them.

"Um, everybody, there's something you have to see..."

Back at the house, Rosalie shows them a newscast on television. A blonde reporter standing and talking, in what is unmistakably Italy.

"This is Vicki Vale, LIVE from Italy in Volterra, where Gotham super villain The Joker, has used unknown powers to slaughter a large part of the populat..."

"UNKNOWN? My dear Vicki, I can give you an exclusive insight into how my powers work, you just had to ask! "

A man with purple clothes, green hair and eyes as red as his lipstick was suddenly right next to Vicki. Surprisingly, Vale did not appear to be shocked at all, on the contrary, she began to laugh maniacally. The Joker smiled at her, with a patient look on his face.

"Oh, it seems that Miss Vale suffered stage fright, it can happen to even the best." The Joker says, and claps Vale on the shoulder. I think I have something against that, let me see..." The Joker rummages around in his pockets, but then strikes, and buries his fangs in Vicki's neck. She splutters with laughter, as The Joker's vampire poison is spreading in her body. The clown reluctantly detached himself from her neck, and grabs her microphone.

"This is The Joker, and I'll bet that The Friendly Gotham Bat is watching, and has figured out it's little me, who's behind all the blood sucking. Poor Pam never saw me coming. Now, if The Dork Knight isn't down at the land of Pasta before sunset, I think that I'm going to do something bad and, hmm, I don't know, KILL everyone on the planet."

As if to emphasize his point, the sun began to shine in Italy, and the Joker's smile, as well as his whole body, began to glitter dangerously.

"Come down, so I can infect you Batman! Then, the world can get to see the match between the two vampires ... Now don't dawdle! HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA!"

The coverage stopped, and were replaced with TV snow.

 **SISTER**

Renesmee looked up at Bella with terror in her eyes. "Are we going to die now, mother?" Bella looked doubtful, but tried to make her voice calm. "No, of course not dear."

Rosalie throws her hair back. "Aro, may I ask what this "Joker" with the really bad dress sense, really did to you in Volterra?"

Aro's groans stifled.

 **ME**

"He ... just came up to our castle suddenly, and killed our guards. Obviously I sent Jane and Alex after him, but in his presence... My two highest valued Volturies, reduced to giggling sheep! He has a power that is unlike any other Vampire I've seen..."

"Did he use a gas?" Batman asked, while in the process of putting band aids (Bat aids) on his injured finger.

"Gas? What is this primate doing here? Has our top secret organization gone up in flames?"

"You can answer that." Carlisle quipped. "Batman, when a vampire is born, there is a certain chance for it to gain a special ability, in addition to our already strong talent. I think you already experienced Edward's mind reading...?"

"Oh, Bruce discovered that, don't worry." Edward said, trying to reconnect his arm with his shoulder. Batman sent him a look that could cripple lesser men.

"As I saaaid," Aro's annoying voice filled the room once again, and got everyone's attention. "This clown paralyzed Jane and Alex with his ability to spread madness, and disarmed Jane by tearing out one of her pain-inflicting eyes, and..." Aro said what The Joker did with Alex. Even Batman got chills.

"I have to stop him." Batman called his Batwing over the house.

"How? You could barely stand against me!" Edward said. Batman ignored him, took his Grapple Gun, and grappled up in his plane and flew away.

Edward looked after him. "I think I'm taking a trip to Italy."

"I'm going with you." said Bella, who wanted to be a part of this story.

One hour later…

Batman landed his plane in Volterra, and looked around at the tragedy that surrounded him. Corpses everywhere on the streets, all mutilated, all with large bloody smiles. A Volturi named "Caius" crawled towards him, tears in his eyes. His head exploded into a thousand pieces when Joker's foot slammed down on it.

Batman snarled. "Joker."

"Batsy!" The Joker yelled, with exitement in his voice. "Is it not extraordinary? Leave them unburned, and they'll continue to reform! I'll never run out of toys! Hahaha..."

The Joker walked towards Batman. "Well, Battyman, can you see the fun?"

Batman closed his eyes and waited for the Joker's madness to reach him. Nothing happened.

"Wauv, you finally decided to get here, huh, Bruce?" Edwards voice said, and Batman looked over at Edward and Bella, who stood behind them. Bella looked as if she concentrated on something.

 **SISTER**

Bella concentrated on making the shield solid, and to surround the two. Edward was in the process of giving The Joker belly whoppers, Bella spreads her shield, and Batman polishes his Batarangs, which had become a little dusty. Bella looks at the struggle which seems to be reasonably unfair. For Edward is so (oh!) great, and the Joker is a fool, with green hair and purple clothes. Edward totally smeared The Joker out, because he was only cabable of gurgling, and flailing his arms. So even Bella was more ambitious. Rosalie looked after Renesmee at the Cullen house, and suddenly a cracking sound was heard from The Joker's ribs.

"Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle," he said, but then he had no head anymore.

Edward looks at Batman's flamethrower, and is just about to reach for it, but Batman steps back, arms crossed.

"Shouldn't we give him a chance?" Batman tried, but both Edward and Bella stops him. "He has killed all of Volterra, Batman, he deserves death."

"No." Batman stamps on the ground, and protectively stands in front of The Joker. Suddenly Jane comes out, with a patch over her eyehole, and Batman falls to the ground. Jane is outraged.

"This man, who killed my brother. Killed my family. Destroyed everything, MUST DIE! "

Jane-Jane takes Batman's flamethrower and lets go of him. He squirms, and then begins to cry like a baby, as The Joker burns merrily.

 **ME**

Suddenly, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme with Aro on her shoulders, came running towards them. Bella was so furious they had left Renesmee home alone, she tore the head off of Emmet, and ran home to her daughter. The rest of the Cullen family just shrugged.

Batman wiped his eyes and stood up. Aro crawled over to him.

"Batman, was it? We saw you battle The Joker on the TV, and we must say, you did brilliantly! I have never ever seen anything like it! You beat him yourself without any help, whatsoever!"

Edward opened his mouth to say something, but forgot about what he was going to say, and then closed his mouth again, so he looked like an idiot.

"After seeing your fighting style, I simply MUST ask you: Is it in your interest to be one of us? A Volturi?"

Batman pinched his eyes together, and Aro now felt exactly how threatening Batman could be.

"Listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this ONCE. If you ever kill again, I will use all my resources to destroy your entire race. Understood?"

Aro gulped, and luckily, Jane stood in front of him before he began to cry. "We understand." Jane said. "We will only eat animals from now on, and travel to the other Vampire clans in order to convince them about the same."

Batman nodded satisfied. "One more thing," he said, pointing to Vicki Vale lying and shaking on the ground, in the process of being turned into a Vampire.

"That woman is a good friend of mine. Be sure to give her a home. "

"No problem," Carlisle said. "There's always room for one more Cullen."

Batman got up in his Batwing, and flew away.

"What a man." All the Vampires thought.


End file.
